A Vital Website that you Need to Bookmark

Because, when you think about it, can you really ever get enough Harvey Fierstein?

Big Butch Adolf

On the "Every famous person was flamboyantly gay" news front (or is that rear)? We find that Adolf Hitler was... you guessed it, flamboyantly gay!

So this should send a message of pride to all of the neo-Nazis out there who happen to be gay and feel that they are not accepted by the other neo-Nazis: yes, you too can become a maniacal megalomaniacal dictator and kill a whole bunch of people before shooting yourself in the head in your bunker while your country is demolished.

If I were a Nazi and if I were also gay, I'd be inspired.

Cheese

I ordered a burger at McDonald's yesterday.
It said that cheese was an extra 30 cents.
So naturally, I assumed that the burger didn't normally come with cheese.
So when I got it back home - there was cheese.
I hate cheese on anything but pizza.
So why the Hell is there cheese on everything?
At the gas station, all of the microwave hamburgers are cheeseburgers.
Often, even when you order hamburgers, they'll give you cheeseburgers.
What, does hamburger meat still give off milk, and somehow in the oven mold cultures grow at incredible speeds to turn it into cheese?
Maybe it's some sort of federal regulation, designed to pander to farmers in Wisconsin?
Perhaps there is some geat surplus store of the vile yellow substance and people are trying to get rid of it before it spoils (spoils again, that is).
Maybe some international organization run by the illuminati is running the fast food and convenience store microwaveables industry (this would be the same one htat puts those insipid "behold the power of cheese" ads on TV).
Perhaps they belong to some sort of rotted-milk product-worshipping cult? (Behold the power of... has that cultish ring to it).
Well no more! Fellow misoturists unite to fight for our right to avoid this yellow plague!
I demand my right not to have cheese on everything!!!!!!!!
(P.S. Miso- = hate, turo = cheese)

Bush's Time Machine and Kerry's Hybrid Warriors

Have you read Jay Nordlinger's most recent Impromptus?
Note this line:
"A friend of mine was saying, a couple of nights ago, that what the Bush campaign should do is go to 9/11 — and remind people that there hasn't been a major attack in three years."
So Bush has a time machine! But he won't use it to go back to 9/11.
What is he going to use it for?
Is this another way that he might steal the election?

And for that matter, what about Kerry? Does his plan for winning the war on terror involve hybrids formed by combining two people into one, in order to ger super-humans who can hunt down bin Laden? Do these people consent, or is he eciding to decimate our civil liberties further by forcing people to become one person for the "good of the country?"
I mean, he's already started doing this with Major League Baseball players:
"He recently merged Manny Ramirez and David Ortiz into "Manny Ortiz," which probably came as a shock to both families."
So it sounds as if poor David Ortiz and Manny Ramirez didn't consent, or else their families would have known about it!

Bush, Asleep at the Switch Again

What I wish Kerry would ask Bush is, what does he plan to do about the Cobra threat?
Maybe Bush's family is a little too cozy with the Cobra-La-an Royal family?
When we were hunting Cobra down, why did Bush outsource the job to the Autobots?
And why did Bush invade Iraq, which has no known connections to Cobra (although some people are suggesting that Saddam's doubles are actually synthoids, which is why we haven't seen them since the invasion - he obviously melted them down).

They Rule the World

Finally, definitive proof that Colonel Sanders is still alive and co-rules the Pentavirate along with the Rothschilds, the Gettys, the Queen and the Vatican!
Sorry I couldn't find a good link that explained the Pentavirate (in all links, they were 50 feet down the page), but I guess that they have infiltrated the internet as well. Also, at time of posting, the Internet Movie Database's entry for the movie revealing the Pentavirate suddenly went down (which is why I didn't link to it)... hmmmm...

The Great Public Restroom Blowdryer Conspiracy

I have often wondered:
How come every single blowdryer in every single men's room I have been in has exactly the same graffiti on the instructions (that is, when the instructions are written)?

"1. Push Button."
Someone crosses out the "-on."
"2. Rub Hands under warm air."
Someone crosses out the "w-" in "warm," and also the word "air." Sometimes (okay, so this one part of it isn't always the same, it's optional) people also cross out "hands" and replace it with - something less appropriate. Let's just say the Vice President's first name.

Is this just because idiots all think alike, or is there some great graffiti conspiracy going on?

Hmmmm....
"Listen, there's a new restroom opened up - that new McDonald's over there has one!"
"Oh, man. We need to contact the leader."
"Leader, there's a new McDonald's. t has a restroom."
"You know what to do, men. Do me poroud and make those alterations to the instructions."

The only original graffito I remember seeing on a blowdryer was "Step 3: Wipe hands on pants."
Knowing the great effectiveness of men's room blow-dryers, I can understand that one.

What is Rankine 911?

Rankine 911 is the same temperature as Fahrenheit 451. Rankine is the absolute zero = 0 degrees Fahrenheit scale (like Kelvin is to Celsius).
This blog is a repository for humor and general unseriousness, unlike Glaivester, which is my general-purpose blog.